In fact, like the bad boy, on the one hand, because the bad boy has some attractive qualities - they love to play will tease, very good at providing emotional value; on the other hand, because the bad boy debauched the prodigal son image has a specific audience.

The combination of these factors has led to these girls perhaps knowing that the other is a bad boy, but also moth to flame like each other.

Today, let's talk about "bad boys".

Why are some girls more likely to fall in love with bad boys?

What is the "attraction" of bad boys?

If you know a boy in the name of love dating, or cheating during the engagement, you will certainly scoff at him, criticizing him for irresponsible treatment of feelings, cheating, and playing with the hearts of girls.

But the reality is often that it is difficult to see the true face of a bad boy before his lies are punctured.

More often than not, you can only see what he wants you to see: 

1. quite high 'emotional value

When you first meet them, you will feel that it is fun and interesting to be friends with bad boys, and you can reap quite high emotional value from spending time with them - fresh, happy, and free.

Many bad boys display a "playful" attitude in their lives (Halle-Wittenberg, 2017). They are eager to break the rules, are more "whimsical," are amused by fun, and enjoy unusual people and events (Brauer et al., 2021).

They have a high "play quotient" and are willing to spend time exploring, dressing up, and enjoying life. Their daily routines can be entertaining, exciting, and fun experiences.

Part of the reason for this may be that they are usually less committed and more likely to be happy without the shackles of responsibility.

Another part of the reason may be that they uphold a hedonistic philosophy of life. They seek happiness itself, without the need for deep love and commitment. As long as they can bring happiness, they are likely to try, presenting a wonderfully rich way of life.

2. Bring their own "dramatic tension": danger, ambiguity and uncertainty

When you get a little closer and start a rivalry with a bad boy, you can easily feel a tense and exciting dramatic tension.

This is most likely due to the dark triad of personality traits of the bad boys -

Machiavellianism: disregard for morality, deceitfulness, and basing their interests on the sacrifice of others; narcissism: self-centeredness, love of vanity, and a constant need for attention from others; and psychopathy: lack of empathy with others and the constant pursuit of excitement for fun.

This sounds dangerous and bad, but unfortunately, such dark people are precisely the "high play" in love. They believe in their own charm from the bottom of their hearts and are good at packaging themselves and pretending to be in love with each other so that their prey is captivated and can't stop.

In a psychological study (Carter et al., 2014), college women were asked to rate their attractiveness to men. The results showed that men who scored high on the Dark Triad trait were considered more attractive than those who scored low, and even, this attractiveness difference value was quite large.

And, the study found that girls were able to accurately assess whether a guy had these traits. That is, girls found these men more attractive even though they knew they were "bad boys.

With such a dark triad of bad boys, relationships are always ambiguous and uncertain. And it is precisely this uncertainty that gives the relationship more room for imagination and makes girls happy to explore the clues of their feelings from the bad boys' behaviors and behaviors. The more they analyze, detect, and extract the clues, the happier they feel, and eventually fall into the sweet abyss of the bad boy step by step.

3. not be repressed "aggressiveness

The aggressiveness of boys is very attractive to many girls. The reason is simple: it is something they were not allowed to have growing up.

The image of women in today's society is actually governed by rules and regulations. Girls are expected to be good, understanding, and gentle, otherwise they don't look like a "goodgirl". When "obedience" is promoted as an ideal model of femininity, female aggression is often suppressed.

But being repressed doesn't mean it doesn't exist. So, girls have to convey these emotions in a covert and roundabout way. For example, falling for an aggressive male figure and releasing their repressed aggression by the world by falling in love with him.

Many bad boys will show his aggressiveness towards other people, things and objects, such as disobedience to authority and challenges to rules, while showing a very strong protectiveness towards girls during the ambiguous stage. This unfettered, rebellious but vivid vitality is something that many girls have not experienced.

The "sense of vulnerability" under the appearance of debauchery

Unlike traditional images of masculinity, bad boys know how to subtly display vulnerability.

Early in the relationship, they may begin to share their "secrets under the scars", such as a painful family of origin, the experience of being hurt by a scum girl, failed life turns, and so on, and imply that you are the only person who can listen to this, "I have never told anyone else, except you ", making you feel like you're special to him.

Bad boys use these deep self-exposures to convey a sense of "I trust you" and it is hard for girls not to be touched, thus bringing them closer together and becoming more intimate (Schafer, 2015).

There is a high degree of contrast when seeing the unspoken hurt under the bad boy's cynical exterior. The empathy and compassion inspired by this "only I know your pain" can also be a reason for girls to love.

What kind of girls are more likely to fall in love with bad boys?

We summarized four types to see what the legendary "scum-sucking physique" may be like.

1. involved in the world before the good girl type

The good girls are mostly rule-abiding, responsible, and act in a way that meets social expectations, so as to gain the approval of teachers and elders. In reality, they also have a "not-so-good" side that they have to suppress or hide.

According to psychologist Robyn McKay, people who have a rebellious side are easily attracted to a certain type of person - someone who brings out the rebel in you. Essentially, we are easily attracted to the qualities that I don't have in myself, but long to have, and then when we see that the other person can live so freely and uninhibitedly, it's easy to be fascinated by that and fall deeper into it.

On the other hand, good girls are obediently "not to fall in love early" during their adolescence, and study and work as they should, almost securely and successfully in life, but only in love is missing lessons.

Some people teach them how to get high marks in exams and brush up on their internship experience, but no one teaches them how to love, how to be loved, and what real love is. They don't understand that "sweet talk is a ruse" and feel that it's better to be loved falsely than not to be loved at all.

2. save the complex mother of God type

Mother of God type girls often have a strong "savior mission", convinced that only they can save the prodigal son out of the mire. They believe that the "prodigal son" although rich in emotional experience, but not really happy, happy, and only they see each other "actually very lack of love". So the "Madonna" type will think the bad boy is pitiful, full of pity for him, and imagine that her love and devotion can touch him. On another level, it is difficult to leave him, deep in a kind of "each other very need you" self-touching. They are willing to constantly lower their bottom line, sacrifice and dedication, just to get the imaginary "return of the prodigal son". (But the truth is, bad boys are like onions. The more you know, the more you cry, until you finally realize that onions don't have hearts.)

3. Love brain on the head type

Some girls are always in love with the head of the brain, as soon as they meet a potential male will not be able to help start a crazy brain.

It is true that when little is known about a person, we assume some characteristics to make up for the gap of not knowing. And often these characteristics that we assume are more likely to be beneficial to the relationship of some imagination.

This can keep us guessing and imagining wonderful things about the other person, even unknowingly placing characteristics beyond the norm on the other person (Norton et al., 2007), indulging in fantasies, and loving an abstract person.

This pattern, too, can develop into pathological infatuation, a state that is highly masochistic. They can be uncontrollably attracted to a person who does not respond to their love. (Reply to "pathological infatuation" in the back of the public page to see how to distinguish between true love and pathological infatuation.)

4. Drama demand type

Some girls seem to be naturally emotional and energetic and are always involved in emotional events that seem very dramatic to others. They take center stage, experience the highs and lows of life, and put on a big show with bad boys.

Drama-demanding girls need to feel alive in dramatic conflict events, but at the same time, they don't want to risk that this drama demand may "self-destruct", so they choose a bad intimate relationship instead - "If my life becomes chaotic, I'll have to go back to my life. "If my life gets messed up, it's the bad boy's fault". While this need for drama prevents them from experiencing long-term stable intimacy, it's likely that they simply don't see the blandness and stability of a relationship. To some extent, they enjoy the drama of "falling in love with a bad boy and breaking up".

How to end up in love with a bad boy?

1) Recognize the reality: distinguish between facts and feelings.

We deal with their own feelings, the first point is to recognize the reality. Some girls suspect that the other party is a bad boy, playing with feelings, while tangled up in the "but he was good to me", into the endless pain of internal conflict.

Sometimes, the truth, precisely by our own feelings to distort. An objective assessment and analysis of your current relationship status can help you not to stay in a relationship that will bring you harm because of unrealistic fantasies.

2) Stop the damage in time - sunk costs are not costs.

If you have realized that the other party is not a good person, then, timely stop loss, is always the best policy.

Although the more time, energy and money you put into a relationship, the harder it is to pull out, you need to know that sunk costs are in the past tense, and only by seizing the present can you open a new chapter in your life.

Stop loss in time is a kind of wisdom, perhaps you can not do in a complex relationship in the whole body back, but at least you can first end a bad relationship.

3) Self-awareness: Not every relationship is actually about being together.

Finding out that you always like bad boys gives us a window of self-awareness. Not every relationship in life is about being together, and his presence may be a "quiz" in your life.

Faced with such a life issue, you need to explore, think and grow: why are you always attracted to such a person? Or maybe he has the qualities of character that you desire but are repressed, or maybe through him you see another spiritual world ......

When you find that answer, you have a more flexible and complex personality than you had before and have gained growth.

4) Be brave, you have the ability to explore this lovely world on your own.

If a person insists on staying in a relationship, it must be a relationship that is good for them. With the bad boys, because of their hedonistic and PLAYFUL lifestyle, the girls are often able to reap many other pleasures and excitement as well.

Often, we can actually create and experience these "fun" and "playful" ourselves, but we are just afraid to try. Hedonism is not a beast, the small blessings in life are worth it.

You have to believe that when you do not rely on others, but use your own eyes to see the world, it must be more interesting, more exciting.

5) The last question: what kind of love do you want?

If the above points are not enough to make up your mind, then close your eyes and imagine what you want love to look like.

What kind of lover would you like to have? How do you want the other person to respect and care for you? Do you want a safe and stable relationship, or do you want a relationship that is always in danger?

End

When you re-open your eyes and look at this relationship you are in, is it what you want?

I hope all girls wipe their eyes.